Unlike much of the more elevated parts of the country, we are just now experiencing our first snowfall. It is falling with huge flakes and then consistently disappearing. My office looks out onto a courtyard so nothing is sticking to the stones below or on the bright red leaves of the diminutive maple shading the table and chairs. Through a reflection on the windows across from me I can see that it is at least creating a white ring on the grass that surrounds the statue out front. I might have to take a field trip to go see it, even if its just to run from my door to the main entrance.
The one thing I must say I like about the hospital is that every building is connected in some way, so it makes walking outside necessary only on the way to and from work. However, there are some days when you walk around the entire hospital just to get some fresh air. Even though it is cold out, I might have to do that today, just to experience the snow! Though most people are probably wishing the opposite, I hope it's still around when I get out of work today!
The big flakes are foreboding the opposite of course... Big flakes usually means it will stop within the next few hours. At least it is beautiful while it is here, and so fun to look out my window and see it criss-crossing between the buildings, then falling gently down, and then swaying with the wind. This is why I love snow. Unlike rain, snow can be both calming and exhilerating, and doesn't have to denote a dreary day, a heartache. It can make you want to dash out the door with sleds in hand or it can create a calming forest of silence that when you walk through it, your thoughts are of the most peaceable kind, or it can make you just want to curl up by the fireside with good friends and family nearby and a cup of hot cocoa in your hand.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Incomplete Thought: Wedding guest list
As you may have noticed, I'm in the middle of trying to plan my wedding, and dealing with all those things that come along with it. I am approaching the wedding in a very laid-back manner as I've seen far too many friendships, family relationships, etc. become strained as brides have become overwhelmed (and hence stressed and all that comes with it) by getting caught up in the details and relationships of it all.
That being said, taking a laid-back approach doesn't absolve all difficulties. One difficulty I have been recently struggling with is the way in which weddings force a person and/or couple to designate out-loud the importance of their friends. Now, I know you don't have to go by convention, but convention tells you that you must choose a few people that are close to you to be in the bridal party. It tells you that they must have all sorts of qualities (helpfulness, similar tastes, compatible personalities, etc.) but of course, it comes down to just who is your best friend. I don't like having to verbalize it, having to choose between friends.
I have a few really close friends that I want to be in the party, but if I want to match my fiance, I must choose a few more. Now I am in a situation where I can't choose one friend without the other, and I would like to have this one person, but she doesn't have time, or is on the other side of the country, or just isn't a helpful person, but I'm close with... Or vice versa! And then there is the girl (former? best friend) who I was the maid of honor for a few months back, but who hasn't talked to me since the wedding (because of the aforementioned stresses). I don't want to tell one person she just isn't as close to me as I am to her, or even just as much as she thought. I have a lot of different girl friends, and most of them I can tell you are completely different, and when we are together we might say and do completely different things, but I love all of them the same. So how am I to choose who is best for my bridal party? Am I to choose based on who is more fun (think Bachelorette party), who is more creative (think decorations), who is most helpful, or who I'd tell my deepest secrets to? All these questions and more have made me loathe this convention of delineating amongst my friends. I want everyone to be involved, but I can't have 15 bridesmaids - that would just be ridiculous! I have settled with two friends from college, my two sisters, a good friend from home and my cousin. I think it is a good mix, but I feel terrible that I couldn't have asked other people that I am also close with.
This whole conundrum applies to the wedding itself. One thing my fiance and I really wanted was to have as many of our friends at our wedding as possible. And while we wanted to have a nice wedding, we also don't have buckets of money to throw down for one day, so we have to cut the list somewhere. In some ways fortunate, and in other ways unfortunate, my fiance and I are particularly friendly and it would seem are just as close to the people we see once a year as we are to the people we see every day. So when it comes to making a cutoff, we don't know where to stop. We know some people will be disappointed they aren't invited, and might even think themselves higher up on the friend-tier. And yes if we were having an all-out rager where the only thing we were providing were a few kegs and some burgers then, by all means, they'd be invited. But when each person adds considerably to our total costs (save the date card, postage, invitation, postage, reply, postage, hors d'oeuvres, dinner, cake, beer, wine... it goes on), we have to stop somewhere.
Perhaps we'll just have to have a huge rager next summer to celebrate, and this time invite all those friends who didn't make the cut...
That being said, taking a laid-back approach doesn't absolve all difficulties. One difficulty I have been recently struggling with is the way in which weddings force a person and/or couple to designate out-loud the importance of their friends. Now, I know you don't have to go by convention, but convention tells you that you must choose a few people that are close to you to be in the bridal party. It tells you that they must have all sorts of qualities (helpfulness, similar tastes, compatible personalities, etc.) but of course, it comes down to just who is your best friend. I don't like having to verbalize it, having to choose between friends.
I have a few really close friends that I want to be in the party, but if I want to match my fiance, I must choose a few more. Now I am in a situation where I can't choose one friend without the other, and I would like to have this one person, but she doesn't have time, or is on the other side of the country, or just isn't a helpful person, but I'm close with... Or vice versa! And then there is the girl (former? best friend) who I was the maid of honor for a few months back, but who hasn't talked to me since the wedding (because of the aforementioned stresses). I don't want to tell one person she just isn't as close to me as I am to her, or even just as much as she thought. I have a lot of different girl friends, and most of them I can tell you are completely different, and when we are together we might say and do completely different things, but I love all of them the same. So how am I to choose who is best for my bridal party? Am I to choose based on who is more fun (think Bachelorette party), who is more creative (think decorations), who is most helpful, or who I'd tell my deepest secrets to? All these questions and more have made me loathe this convention of delineating amongst my friends. I want everyone to be involved, but I can't have 15 bridesmaids - that would just be ridiculous! I have settled with two friends from college, my two sisters, a good friend from home and my cousin. I think it is a good mix, but I feel terrible that I couldn't have asked other people that I am also close with.
This whole conundrum applies to the wedding itself. One thing my fiance and I really wanted was to have as many of our friends at our wedding as possible. And while we wanted to have a nice wedding, we also don't have buckets of money to throw down for one day, so we have to cut the list somewhere. In some ways fortunate, and in other ways unfortunate, my fiance and I are particularly friendly and it would seem are just as close to the people we see once a year as we are to the people we see every day. So when it comes to making a cutoff, we don't know where to stop. We know some people will be disappointed they aren't invited, and might even think themselves higher up on the friend-tier. And yes if we were having an all-out rager where the only thing we were providing were a few kegs and some burgers then, by all means, they'd be invited. But when each person adds considerably to our total costs (save the date card, postage, invitation, postage, reply, postage, hors d'oeuvres, dinner, cake, beer, wine... it goes on), we have to stop somewhere.
Perhaps we'll just have to have a huge rager next summer to celebrate, and this time invite all those friends who didn't make the cut...
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
NYC for Regionals and Bar-hopping
Traveled to NYC this weekend to cheer on our alma mater cross country teams as they competed in the Div. III Regional Qualifier. We left Boston at about 7:30 or 8 and got down to the Hotel in NJ where the team (and we) were staying and met up with the coaches at about 11:30/12:00. After a few drinks with them, and some guilt tripping of some other key players that hadn't made it down, they left for bed and we held down the corner of the bar until 2am. The five of us got up bright and early at 6:30 to get ready for the day, and went to give the team a Slow Clap walk to the bus around 8. At the race we had about 20 Alumni there cheering them on, most of whom were wearing bright red Union Suits and flowing capes with the Shield on the back. It was a pretty spectacular sight to see us running from spot to spot to cheer on the team. There were also approximately 15 current xc team members running around in similarly ridiculous gear to cheer on the team. We made quite a formidable red cloud when running around and an excellent roaring cheering section as we lined the course.
Afterwards the various groups of us split off and went our own ways for the afternoon... Some of us went to this (apparently famous) BBQ place called Dinosaur in Harlem for lunch and met up with my cousin while there. I haven't really talked to her much in the past 15 years, but we used to be inseparable. I was a little nervous that she and I would be completely different and the lunch would be awkward, but in fact it was the complete opposite. It was great to see her, and so much fun! The lunch was great all around. I had a BLT that came with the absolute most delicious bacon one could even imagine. About the time it started to get dark out we left there and proceeded to drive down to Alphabet City where we met up with some of the other Alumni hanging out down there. We started at one very German bar where I had a beer from the Oldest Brewery in the World. It was very yeasty and old-tasting and delicious. Best beer of the night, hands down. We then went to another bar down the street where we met more people, and the bar-hopping had begun. In all we went to, I believe, 8-10 bars and a pizza place. Having started at 2:30 that day, 1:30 felt unbelievably late and we started winding down then, with certain members of our group of 12 starting to black out, and others getting tired (and grumpy - I'm included in that group... unfortunately!). Some of us drove to Jersey City, NJ where a friend with us had an apartment we crashed in, which was really nice of him. Others went off to their respective friends houses. One thing I've noticed about NYC is that everyone's apartments are so small you can't fit more than three people in any one place, so we all had to split up into small groups.
The next morning we walked around colorful Hoboken and had breakfast at a wonderful cafe that served a delicious Chai Latte. We also stopped at the running store that the girl with us works at, and she helped me pick out a pair of shoes and gave me a discount. It was wonderful - discount or not - mostly because I hate going to those stores and having someone help me pick out shoes, but having a freind there was so much better!
We also went to the Steven's Institute of Technology campus which overlooks the city from across the river. Gorgeous.
It was a long weekend, and we didn't leave the city until 4:00 when we finally met up with the other girl who was riding with us. Before picking her up we drove all around the lower west side (I think) and passed by the stoop from Sex and the City. On our way out we stopped at a White Castle in Harlem which is always a good experience. Between the four of us, we went through 18 burgers, and 4 buckets of fries!
All in all, a good trip... I think I would have liked to see more of the city, and less of random bars in the lower east side (again, I think...). The city is so enormous that you can't possibly see all of it in one weekend even if you had a plan and a Segway. There were parts of it I liked better than Boston, and definitely a lot of parts I didn't. I think it could be a fun city to live in, but perhaps too big for me. I will be back, though, of that I can be sure.
Afterwards the various groups of us split off and went our own ways for the afternoon... Some of us went to this (apparently famous) BBQ place called Dinosaur in Harlem for lunch and met up with my cousin while there. I haven't really talked to her much in the past 15 years, but we used to be inseparable. I was a little nervous that she and I would be completely different and the lunch would be awkward, but in fact it was the complete opposite. It was great to see her, and so much fun! The lunch was great all around. I had a BLT that came with the absolute most delicious bacon one could even imagine. About the time it started to get dark out we left there and proceeded to drive down to Alphabet City where we met up with some of the other Alumni hanging out down there. We started at one very German bar where I had a beer from the Oldest Brewery in the World. It was very yeasty and old-tasting and delicious. Best beer of the night, hands down. We then went to another bar down the street where we met more people, and the bar-hopping had begun. In all we went to, I believe, 8-10 bars and a pizza place. Having started at 2:30 that day, 1:30 felt unbelievably late and we started winding down then, with certain members of our group of 12 starting to black out, and others getting tired (and grumpy - I'm included in that group... unfortunately!). Some of us drove to Jersey City, NJ where a friend with us had an apartment we crashed in, which was really nice of him. Others went off to their respective friends houses. One thing I've noticed about NYC is that everyone's apartments are so small you can't fit more than three people in any one place, so we all had to split up into small groups.
The next morning we walked around colorful Hoboken and had breakfast at a wonderful cafe that served a delicious Chai Latte. We also stopped at the running store that the girl with us works at, and she helped me pick out a pair of shoes and gave me a discount. It was wonderful - discount or not - mostly because I hate going to those stores and having someone help me pick out shoes, but having a freind there was so much better!
We also went to the Steven's Institute of Technology campus which overlooks the city from across the river. Gorgeous.
It was a long weekend, and we didn't leave the city until 4:00 when we finally met up with the other girl who was riding with us. Before picking her up we drove all around the lower west side (I think) and passed by the stoop from Sex and the City. On our way out we stopped at a White Castle in Harlem which is always a good experience. Between the four of us, we went through 18 burgers, and 4 buckets of fries!
All in all, a good trip... I think I would have liked to see more of the city, and less of random bars in the lower east side (again, I think...). The city is so enormous that you can't possibly see all of it in one weekend even if you had a plan and a Segway. There were parts of it I liked better than Boston, and definitely a lot of parts I didn't. I think it could be a fun city to live in, but perhaps too big for me. I will be back, though, of that I can be sure.
Friday, November 9, 2007
What's in a name?
There's something to be said for solidarity in a relationship, and there's something to be said for the ease of a newly married couple to simply assume one last name, and its consequent ease on the children having just one last name. However, I can't quite accept changing my name. Though I have often done what so many girls do, and written my name out in combination with his last name, testing out how it sounds, I don't know that I ever really wanted his name so much as I wanted the marriage and commitment.
As the wedding draws near and more people ask me whether I will change my name (and, fortunately, it is becoming more of an option rather than an expectation), I find myself hesitant to answer.
The situation is as follows: I change my name and lose my unique last name, conforming to society's mandates and the children are named after him, and my last name is all but lost save for the three male cousins on my dad's side. I don't change my name, and I have children with a last name that differs from mine. You get into school issues: "Is this really your mom?" "Are these kids really yours?" And all kinds of questions, and disparities when booking flights, hotel rooms, or even just friends asking how to address the Christmas card. Now take into consideration that I already have two papers pending publication under my current name, with more potentially on the way. Also consider that many of the names I would like for my (potential) kids wouldn't quite go with his last name. I like beautiful french names, and his name is somewhat masculine and standard. It's like painting one wall red and the other wall purple and calling it beautiful. It's not beautiful, it's unfortunate.
Now, his particular name aside, I still find it frustrating that women are the ones that must change their name and that society finds it more demeaning should a man take the woman's name rather than each keep their own name. I am most certainly not a feminist, but I have a penchant for equality in all things, and find that if you can expect one person to give up that identifier they have lived by their entire lives without batting an eye, you should certainly be able to abide by it for another. It is no more demeaning for a man to give up his name for hers as it is for a woman to give up her name for his. Though not at all serious, when I propositioned this to my fiance, he completely balked, saying, "But that's who I am! That's what everyone calls me, that's my name!" And of course I responded with, "Exactly!"
It's interesting that people will fight so hard to keep a phone number - an assigned number through which people are able to identify and keep in contact with each other - and yet not blink an eye when asking their future wives to change their name, which is in a sense, something that is more a part of you, more definitive of your background, your family, and your life, and is something through which people can identify and hence reach you.
Why does this expectation remain so strong in our society? Why do we all look down on the men that do change their last names as though they are weak, or in layman's terms, "whipped"? It frustrates me, and that is mostly due to the fact that I love my last name, and it has completely defined who I am, how I've lived, and what other's know of me. When my sister married she went from one Scandinavian name to another, and, at the risk of offending my fiance should he ever read this, I wish that my choice were as easy. It is not that I don't love his family or heritage, and it's not that I am trying to be a feminist or make a statement. It's only that as much as his last name has defined and become him, so has mine, and taking that away is not something I'm willing to do just yet.
As the wedding draws near and more people ask me whether I will change my name (and, fortunately, it is becoming more of an option rather than an expectation), I find myself hesitant to answer.
The situation is as follows: I change my name and lose my unique last name, conforming to society's mandates and the children are named after him, and my last name is all but lost save for the three male cousins on my dad's side. I don't change my name, and I have children with a last name that differs from mine. You get into school issues: "Is this really your mom?" "Are these kids really yours?" And all kinds of questions, and disparities when booking flights, hotel rooms, or even just friends asking how to address the Christmas card. Now take into consideration that I already have two papers pending publication under my current name, with more potentially on the way. Also consider that many of the names I would like for my (potential) kids wouldn't quite go with his last name. I like beautiful french names, and his name is somewhat masculine and standard. It's like painting one wall red and the other wall purple and calling it beautiful. It's not beautiful, it's unfortunate.
Now, his particular name aside, I still find it frustrating that women are the ones that must change their name and that society finds it more demeaning should a man take the woman's name rather than each keep their own name. I am most certainly not a feminist, but I have a penchant for equality in all things, and find that if you can expect one person to give up that identifier they have lived by their entire lives without batting an eye, you should certainly be able to abide by it for another. It is no more demeaning for a man to give up his name for hers as it is for a woman to give up her name for his. Though not at all serious, when I propositioned this to my fiance, he completely balked, saying, "But that's who I am! That's what everyone calls me, that's my name!" And of course I responded with, "Exactly!"
It's interesting that people will fight so hard to keep a phone number - an assigned number through which people are able to identify and keep in contact with each other - and yet not blink an eye when asking their future wives to change their name, which is in a sense, something that is more a part of you, more definitive of your background, your family, and your life, and is something through which people can identify and hence reach you.
Why does this expectation remain so strong in our society? Why do we all look down on the men that do change their last names as though they are weak, or in layman's terms, "whipped"? It frustrates me, and that is mostly due to the fact that I love my last name, and it has completely defined who I am, how I've lived, and what other's know of me. When my sister married she went from one Scandinavian name to another, and, at the risk of offending my fiance should he ever read this, I wish that my choice were as easy. It is not that I don't love his family or heritage, and it's not that I am trying to be a feminist or make a statement. It's only that as much as his last name has defined and become him, so has mine, and taking that away is not something I'm willing to do just yet.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
New Post
At the behest of my fiance, I have created a blog. Who knows what will appear here, most likely an assortment of the beautiful, mediocre, and ugly parts of my life and thoughts.
I will start out by saying that I have found life incredibly harried lately. I am not sure if it is due to the impending marriage, the new job, or the seemingly increased social life. Either way, I find myself dead tired and completely anti-social and confused one minute, and then completely energized and pushing to go out and see people. If you think this is a strange dichotomy, you would be aghast at the inner workings of my mind - and I don't even have a mental illness! I can't imagine what those poor people go through...
I will start out by saying that I have found life incredibly harried lately. I am not sure if it is due to the impending marriage, the new job, or the seemingly increased social life. Either way, I find myself dead tired and completely anti-social and confused one minute, and then completely energized and pushing to go out and see people. If you think this is a strange dichotomy, you would be aghast at the inner workings of my mind - and I don't even have a mental illness! I can't imagine what those poor people go through...
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