As you may have noticed, I'm in the middle of trying to plan my wedding, and dealing with all those things that come along with it. I am approaching the wedding in a very laid-back manner as I've seen far too many friendships, family relationships, etc. become strained as brides have become overwhelmed (and hence stressed and all that comes with it) by getting caught up in the details and relationships of it all.
That being said, taking a laid-back approach doesn't absolve all difficulties. One difficulty I have been recently struggling with is the way in which weddings force a person and/or couple to designate out-loud the importance of their friends. Now, I know you don't have to go by convention, but convention tells you that you must choose a few people that are close to you to be in the bridal party. It tells you that they must have all sorts of qualities (helpfulness, similar tastes, compatible personalities, etc.) but of course, it comes down to just who is your best friend. I don't like having to verbalize it, having to choose between friends.
I have a few really close friends that I want to be in the party, but if I want to match my fiance, I must choose a few more. Now I am in a situation where I can't choose one friend without the other, and I would like to have this one person, but she doesn't have time, or is on the other side of the country, or just isn't a helpful person, but I'm close with... Or vice versa! And then there is the girl (former? best friend) who I was the maid of honor for a few months back, but who hasn't talked to me since the wedding (because of the aforementioned stresses). I don't want to tell one person she just isn't as close to me as I am to her, or even just as much as she thought. I have a lot of different girl friends, and most of them I can tell you are completely different, and when we are together we might say and do completely different things, but I love all of them the same. So how am I to choose who is best for my bridal party? Am I to choose based on who is more fun (think Bachelorette party), who is more creative (think decorations), who is most helpful, or who I'd tell my deepest secrets to? All these questions and more have made me loathe this convention of delineating amongst my friends. I want everyone to be involved, but I can't have 15 bridesmaids - that would just be ridiculous! I have settled with two friends from college, my two sisters, a good friend from home and my cousin. I think it is a good mix, but I feel terrible that I couldn't have asked other people that I am also close with.
This whole conundrum applies to the wedding itself. One thing my fiance and I really wanted was to have as many of our friends at our wedding as possible. And while we wanted to have a nice wedding, we also don't have buckets of money to throw down for one day, so we have to cut the list somewhere. In some ways fortunate, and in other ways unfortunate, my fiance and I are particularly friendly and it would seem are just as close to the people we see once a year as we are to the people we see every day. So when it comes to making a cutoff, we don't know where to stop. We know some people will be disappointed they aren't invited, and might even think themselves higher up on the friend-tier. And yes if we were having an all-out rager where the only thing we were providing were a few kegs and some burgers then, by all means, they'd be invited. But when each person adds considerably to our total costs (save the date card, postage, invitation, postage, reply, postage, hors d'oeuvres, dinner, cake, beer, wine... it goes on), we have to stop somewhere.
Perhaps we'll just have to have a huge rager next summer to celebrate, and this time invite all those friends who didn't make the cut...
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